Follow My Sorry Ass


Thursday, January 29, 2015

First World Problems

Joe: So what should I wear to the father-daughter dance?
Elise: A tuxedo. A pink tuxedo!
Will: [Laughs]
James: Is that like "Dumb & Dumber"?

(5 min later)
Me: When did you see "Dumb & Dumber"???

--

Our dishwasher died. I got to wash a sh*tload of dishes today. And I'm all...


And then I'm like,




And I'm waiting by the phone (okay, holding my cell in my hand) to hear my 2nd beta results. Fingers crossed that they're okay...



Wish me luck on this harrowing journey.

Update: all is well!

Monday, January 26, 2015

Pretty Sure...

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Bueller, Bueller, Anyone?

Evap line??  Like, 2 hours later.

Top test is false positive from Friday 1/16, first thing in the morning.  Bottom one is today.  I know, probably nothing, but it looks like something here in person.  And yeah, my bathroom is kind of dirty.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Memes of the Day



Sunday, January 18, 2015

Ish My Toddler Says: A Proud Mama's List

*Brag Alert*

I'm kind of impressed with Zachy these days, especially because of how much he is talking.  Of course, all of my children are geniuses, but I'd forgotten how delightful it is when they start saying lots of intelligible things.

Here is a comprehensive list of the words and phrases Zach says, at age almost-17-months:

Trash
Trash truck
Daddy
Mama
Jame (James)
Wull (Will)
Eeese (Elise)
Cop-corn (popcorn)
Sishy (fishy)
Bottle
Water
Cold ice
Cold water
Side (outside)
Car
Car-car (cracker)
Doggie oof-oof (doggie woof woof)
Bye
Hi
More
Down
Ball
Cossickle (popsicle)
Nanna (banana)
Potty [maybe this means he will potty-train early!!!! Please oh please.]
House
Sweep
Go-gurr (yogurt)
Shoes
Kahk kahk (quack quack)
Baah-time! (bath time!)


In other kid-related news, school started again--grumble grumble after much too long a winter break grumble grumble--and the kids promptly took turns getting sick.  First it was Will and Elise, then Zachy (and Joe, for several days this week), and then James got it this weekend.  Fevers, nasty coughs, body aches, diarrhea.  Extreme grumpiness and laying around and moaning.  Snot ad nauseam.  I'm the only one who hasn't had a twinge of it and luckily Zach's was a pretty mild version.  But woe to anyone who comes in our house right now; you'll probably catch it just by glancing at a doorknob or something.

Oh yeah.  And Elise broke her first bone while we were at the park on the Thursday before last.  For some reason she jumped off a swing and apparently landed right arm all funny-like. She walked over to me crying afterward, cradling her forearm.  I knew she had to be hurt pretty badly because it looked bruised and swollen immediately.  Then, she got really p*ssed and started sobbing again when I told her we needed to go have it looked at, because she hates taking medicine and always suspects she'll have to get a shot.  Poor Elise.

Since Joe was at work I got to bring e'erybody along to urgent care (yep, the same local place where they gave me the false positive pee test results that one time--yay).  They actually sent us elsewhere within that system to get a cast put on it, with minimal instructions, so I spent quite a long time dragging the kids from building to office building trying to figure out where the hell orthopedics was.  By the time we finally found the right building, it was too late in the day to even do her cast because the doctors had gone home!  We got sent home with her temporary brace on until the next day.  It was a very stable break, but still.  Highly frustrating.

The bright side is that she was actually ok with ending up with a cast, it being pink and all.


Big brothers: not too terribly bothered by sister's painful ordeal.



Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Shark CPR

This is what passes for a quiet evening in my house these days.


The best part was when old bathwater squirted out onto my new-ish ottoman and the shark was declared "alive".  That, and when Will was like, "Sharks don't even breathe air!" after Joe stopped recording.

Think I'm ready for holiday break to be over.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Trash Talk

"I should be a chameleon someday.  No, Canadian?  Comedian!"  -James

"Boom!  Go tell THAT to all of your friends!"  -Will, during an argument with Elise

"Trash!"  -Zach, throwing anything he finds into the trash


Sunday, December 21, 2014

Celebrity Babies: Renamed

Ok, so I haven't blogged in awhile.  Since before Halloween, to be exact.

The reason?  We've been pretty busy.  Haven't even had time to put the kids' Halloween pictures or Thanksgiving pictures or funny quotes up, or much of anything, really.

But there is an urgent matter that needs my words of wisdom: the name of the newest Kardashian baby.

Do you ever hear a name someone (usually a famous person) has recently bestowed upon an innocent babe and wistfully imagine renaming him or her?  I do, because I am an elitest name-nerd jerk, and I demand that the names of celebrities' children be matched in terms of style and aesthetics.  Mason, Penelope, and.....Reign?  No, no, no [shakes head slowly].

Here is what they should have named him:  Royal (nickname: Roy).  Royal Disick.  Royal, Pain-in-the-Aston, Disick.  Get it?

But seriously, I think Reign Aston is quite lame, especially next to the down-to-earth names of his siblings.  I think something like Beau (not Reign Beau!) would have been less bombastic, but nobody asked me, unfortunately.

Speaking of "nobody asked me", here are a few other insipid celebrity baby names, revised and updated for your name-nerding pleasure....

Wyatt Isabelle
Autry Abilene

Rainbow Aurora
Aurora Mariel

Cash Van
Dashiell Van

That's all I can think of for now.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

THAT Guy

"'Cause you're a guy, 'cause you're a guy, full of farts.  That's a dis-compliment." -Will, singing to the tune of Coldplay's A Sky Full of Stars and directing said-lyrics at his older brother

"THAT guy!"  -Zach, when he looks in the mirror and points at himself

"Excuse me, WHY are we reading this?"  -James, interrupting me as I read a particularly graphic scene from Julie of the Wolves, wherein the adult wolves regurgitate their meat for the newly-weaned juveniles

"I told you a million times: a zombie cheerleader."  -Elise, when asked about her Halloween costume plans

--

I've already got my most authentic Halloween zombie accessory: a real-live "ouch" from parathyroidectomy #2.








Friday, September 26, 2014

Happy Very-Belated, To My Secondborn

Will is nine.  Wowsa!

Here's a pic of when we brought him home...




....and here's a pic of the birthday boy now.






Friday, August 29, 2014

Happy Belated, To My Fourthborn

Zachy turned one about a week ago.  He also had his first day of Mom & Tot preschool today.  The highlights:

-Standing independently at the easel (though he still requested the help of my index fingers to walk around)
-Painting at the easel
-Eating paint at the easel
-Circle time with hand puppets
-Snack, during which he sat in an actual, tiny CHAIR (not a booster or high chair!)

It's unreal how quickly the time is going.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Baby Name Stories: Our Kids

I went through the scrapbooks to dig up these pics of the kids and remember the stories of how we picked their names.  I am too lazy to dig through all the old hard drives for digital copies, but I wanted to respond to a new name blogger's query through nameberry. 

How They Were Named

James Daniel B. was the name of Joe's paternal grandpa.  James is also my dad's middle name.  When Joe first suggested we name our son James, I was not enthused.  James was also the name of a child I knew when I was growing up; that James was an oddball homeschooled kid stereotype and once stuck green M&M's up his nose.  But now I am so glad we named him James, and it's grown to be my favorite boy name as our boy has grown.  I like the James Bond association, too (if I ignore the misogyny).


William Joseph:  William was another name from Joe's family tree.  Joe had an ancestor on his mother's side who was named William Durrell McCarty.  I'd wanted to use Joseph as a middle for James, but we used it for Will's name, instead--if one son is fully named after a great-grandparent, then the next son should get the father's first as a middle name, I figured.  Took me some time to get used to the name William/Will because it reminded me of the 80's movie Willow.  But there is truly no other name for this child.  He's the strongest-willed person I know.

Elise Marie--We both really loved the simple, sophisticated Elise for a girl, although she could have been an Alison).  Again, Joe's family tree was the inspiration source; he had a maternal ancestor named Elise Haseloff.  I also love Fur Elise by Beethoven.  Marie is a name I have always loved.

Zachary Allan:  the name of boy #3 was a contentious issue and it took us a long-@ss time to negotiate.  Joe liked Jackson (gasp, especially with our other kids' names) and Allan, and that was pretty much it.  He later revealed that he was joking about Jackson (what the..?).  Allan was the name of Joe's childhood friend he used to fish with.  It's a great name but I couldn't stand the thought of Al with our last name (too much like Married With Children's Al Bundy).  So after I suggested my perfectly reasonable, nice name choices and he shot them all down, I suggested the traditional and non-noveau-cool Zachary (Zach) in desperation and he agreed ("like Zack Morris!").  But by then, the big kids had gotten really attached to an early favorite (Alexander/Alex).  It took some serious convincing that the parents were the ones who got to pick the baby's name, not the kids.
George Thomas: (will update soon; 5th child syndrome) Arthur Niels: (will update soon; 6th child syndrome)

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Happy Belated, To My Firstborn

Happy Belated Birthday, my sweet baby James.

How is it that you're already a decade old????


Pictures (of the birthday dude, of the Michigan trip, et al.) below.

At Pentwater.  Ice cream cake from Aunt Kay!

With Alanna's kids.

Horseback riding
Go-Karting.  What better fun for turning ten?

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Things to Never Have

Things To Never Have In Your House If You Have Children

1.  Sharpie Fine-Tip Permanent Marker, 24-Pack Assorted Colors ('80's Glam).  Cost of item: $14.99 plus free shipping.  Cost of lesson learned: $3,000 in carpet and carpet pad.  [Yes, I have pics.  They are on my deactivated Facebook and I don't want to have to log on and retrieve them.  I think I even took a video.  You'll just have to take my word for it.]

2.  A piano.

3.  A large container of fish food.  And a fish.  (Dubya Dee is alive and well, and luckily there's no particular story that goes along with this one--yet.)

4.  Couch pillows you kinda like.

5.  A yardful of neighborhood kids and not enough banana licuado in the blender.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Moms of Boys (Scary Mommy)

Can relate to almost all of this, except for the totally-blue-uterus part.

http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-moms-of-boys-must-do/

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Confession

I love Weird Al.




Sunday, July 13, 2014

Renegotiations

Elise (disgruntled): MOM.
Me:  What?
Elise:  When Emily lost her first tooth, her parents gave her TEN dollars!  And you only give one.
Me:  Well her parents must be rich...

Me (30 seconds later):  I mean, Tooth Fairy!  Her Tooth Fairy must be rich.  Not her parents.
Elise (unfazed):  Please, please give me ten dollars.
Me:  Plus, this isn't even your first lost tooth.  It's just your first front tooth.
Elise:  How about two dollars?

---

In other news, I made a meme:

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A Few Trip Pics

This was basically the front yard of the house.  Will and James snorkeled together several times a day.
With James and Zachy
Elise on Water Cay
Here it is, your moment of Zen.
Joe and big kids on Water Cay.
The house.
Ridiculous selfie at the locals' beach near town.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Our Trip: Quick & Dirty Version

We're back from Utila.  Here are the highlights of the trip:

The Good:
-amazing rental house with stunning views
-breathtaking snorkeling right out front of property
-no one in our party contracted malaria*, explosive diarrhea, or that emerging "Chicken-goon-yay" virus* (*we think)

The Bad
-semi-automatic weapons on bank guards y la policia were a little intimidating
-power outage on day five; toilets no longer flushed (Poo Central Station in the two bathrooms)
-!Hace calor in Honduras!  Especialmente cuando no funciona el aire acondicionado.  =Hot, sweaty baby.

The Ugly
-I will need to post an image of all the insect bites covering my legs and back, in order to do the situation justice.  Luckily Zach didn't get too many.
-Zach forgot how to sleep through the night somewhere around Day 2, even when A/C was a-roarin'
-Fun Fact:  Honduras has an exit airport tax of US$40/person (surprise!)

Friday, June 20, 2014

Riding in Cars with Kids

Mid-1990's flashback of the week:

James:  Mom, what's a "wonderwall"?
Me:  (Turning down the Oasis song on the radio)  I don't know, buddy.  What do you think it is?
James:  A koala.
Me:  I think that's a "wallaby" you're thinking of.
James:  Nope.  Two different things.