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Saturday, July 26, 2014

Things to Never Have

Things To Never Have In Your House If You Have Children

1.  Sharpie Fine-Tip Permanent Marker, 24-Pack Assorted Colors ('80's Glam).  Cost of item: $14.99 plus free shipping.  Cost of lesson learned: $3,000 in carpet and carpet pad.  [Yes, I have pics.  They are on my deactivated Facebook and I don't want to have to log on and retrieve them.  I think I even took a video.  You'll just have to take my word for it.]

2.  A piano.

3.  A large container of fish food.  And a fish.  (Dubya Dee is alive and well, and luckily there's no particular story that goes along with this one--yet.)

4.  Couch pillows you kinda like.

5.  A yardful of neighborhood kids and not enough banana licuado in the blender.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Moms of Boys (Scary Mommy)

Can relate to almost all of this, except for the totally-blue-uterus part.

http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-moms-of-boys-must-do/

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Confession

I love Weird Al.




Sunday, July 13, 2014

Renegotiations

Elise (disgruntled): MOM.
Me:  What?
Elise:  When Emily lost her first tooth, her parents gave her TEN dollars!  And you only give one.
Me:  Well her parents must be rich...

Me (30 seconds later):  I mean, Tooth Fairy!  Her Tooth Fairy must be rich.  Not her parents.
Elise (unfazed):  Please, please give me ten dollars.
Me:  Plus, this isn't even your first lost tooth.  It's just your first front tooth.
Elise:  How about two dollars?

---

In other news, I made a meme:

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A Few Trip Pics

This was basically the front yard of the house.  Will and James snorkeled together several times a day.
With James and Zachy
Elise on Water Cay
Here it is, your moment of Zen.
Joe and big kids on Water Cay.
The house.
Ridiculous selfie at the locals' beach near town.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Our Trip: Quick & Dirty Version

We're back from Utila.  Here are the highlights of the trip:

The Good:
-amazing rental house with stunning views
-breathtaking snorkeling right out front of property
-no one in our party contracted malaria*, explosive diarrhea, or that emerging "Chicken-goon-yay" virus* (*we think)

The Bad
-semi-automatic weapons on bank guards y la policia were a little intimidating
-power outage on day five; toilets no longer flushed (Poo Central Station in the two bathrooms)
-!Hace calor in Honduras!  Especialmente cuando no funciona el aire acondicionado.  =Hot, sweaty baby.

The Ugly
-I will need to post an image of all the insect bites covering my legs and back, in order to do the situation justice.  Luckily Zach didn't get too many.
-Zach forgot how to sleep through the night somewhere around Day 2, even when A/C was a-roarin'
-Fun Fact:  Honduras has an exit airport tax of US$40/person (surprise!)

Friday, June 20, 2014

Riding in Cars with Kids

Mid-1990's flashback of the week:

James:  Mom, what's a "wonderwall"?
Me:  (Turning down the Oasis song on the radio)  I don't know, buddy.  What do you think it is?
James:  A koala.
Me:  I think that's a "wallaby" you're thinking of.
James:  Nope.  Two different things.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

You Might Be From Detroit If...

You Might Be From Detroit If...

#001.  ...you think Kelly Clarkson should have named her baby River Rouge.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Dads: The Sound of You

I read a surprisingly cool quote in People, from Matthew McConaughey:

"It's nice when [the kids] notice the deep voice from across the house, and they know it's Papa.  They know it's Dad."

This totally happened today, when Joe came home from work (yes, he did work on a Saturday; building spaceships does take dedication even on Father's Day weekend; make that Dadication.  Zing!)

Zach was helping me unfold the laundry I'd just finished folding.  The two of us were upstairs, in the special laundry-folding spot (the floor, in front of the laundry room).  Joe came into the kitchen through the garage entrance and started talking to the big kids, who were in the grips of Minecraft.  Baby and I heard the familiar clink in the key bowl--Joe putting away his car keys.  And immediately, Zach perked up and started yelling and waving his arms.

It was unmistakable recognition of Dad's dad-noises by our almost 10-month-old.

Zach was thinking, "Dad's home!"  And he wouldn't be consoled until he was in Joe's arms.

--

One of the hardest moments of my life was, after my dad's accident, being in his house while he lay across town in the hospital.  Listening for the familiar, late-day noises of my teenage years and not hearing them.  Not hearing him stroll jovially into the house after a day at work to call out, "Hullo!" in just his way.  I was an adult by then, with kids of my own.  But at that time I felt as vulnerable as if I had never left childhood.

I remember praying to hear those things again.

Thank you, higher powers that be, for the dadsounds in my life.




Thursday, June 12, 2014

Camping

Went camping in the Eastern Sierras last weekend, via an invitation from some very brave friends.  It was fun.  We froze at night and it was sunburning hot in the daytime, but the Costco 8-person tent continues to serve and protect.

I'd call it a success.  Zach only ate one handful of dirt and nobody snagged himself with a fish hook.


At an alpine lake near Mammoth.

Dad 'n' Zach


Will and Elise stand on boulders; James stands in a pit and looks tiny.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

Motor-vation

Joe says he'll buy me a shiny new mom taxi if I can run a 6:30 mile.

My first thought--beyond wondering whether my husband is growing weary of the ol' love handles--was, Oh Good!  Now I can get the giant, tricked-out, gas-guzzling SUV I've always secretly wanted (but outwardly scorned).
"They see me rollin'/ They hatin'" -Chamillionaire Family Taxi


Then, a few minutes of internet research revealed the price of a giant gas-guzzler to be much, much too high for the likes of us.  Even the sensible one, without the spinners.  Oh, well.  On to the second choice...that schoolmarmish Honda minivan with the built-in vacuum.  Yesssss.

"You spilled something?  Vacuum it up RIGHT NOW.  Yes, while we're driving.  Need I remind you what our last minivan looked like on the inside?"  -Me, to anyone under age 12

But....dang.  Who would have thought you'd have to buy the Touring Elite (read: the most expensive one) to get the HondaVAC?  Frickin' Honda, you are really bumming me out, man.

So now I am a little sad.  And that's to say nothing of the kidney selling we'd have to do to afford any vehicle whatsoever (new or pre-food-encrusted) at the moment.

But hey, at least my love handles are shrinking.  :)

And here's another tally on the positive side of things:

Displaying photo.JPG
Zach-in-the-Box, for real this time.





Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Comic Book Artist

Here's a comic James made of his dad's life.

Notice the montage of scenes from Joe's life, each likeness with spiky hair and a smile.  There's Joe scoring in water polo (bottom left).  Top right is Joe winning a Junior Nationals event when he was 17.  Bottom right: looks like he's underhand serving a volleyball?  Top left: Joe with undisclosed female (me?). And top center, the family man with wife and gaggle of children.

My favorite is the "TM" indicating James is trademarking this idea.





Sunday, June 1, 2014

Metal Dads!

This is so cool.  I want to tell every guy I know how "metal" the dad life can be.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/31/dad-life-is-metal-photos_n_5424234.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Friday, May 30, 2014

Will's Words of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom (A Fill-in-the-blank assignment)
by William B., age 8


A penny saved is:  "a penny lost"

Absence makes:  "work to do"

An apple a day keeps:  "growing"

Beauty is:  "amazing"

Children should:  "always be friends"  [Awww...]

Money is:  "not all that matters"  [Good job, Will!]

People who live in glass houses shouldn't:  "be teased"

There's no place like:  "home"

Two heads are:  "better than one"

You can't teach an old dog:  "tricks"




Thursday, May 29, 2014

Yet Another List of Kid Quotes

"I'm so over first grade."  -Elise

"You don't want to continue swearing because it makes you sound like an idiot."  -James, gently reminding me why I need to stay on the "no-swearing" wagon

"[Funny Neighbor Kid], You are being such an 'A-S-S Hole'!"  -James, at the park playdate this week, when said-neighbor-kid threw a water balloon at Will

"We already know that, Mom.  Please stop telling us."  -Will, whenever I tell him that it's okay to lose when you play sports


Zach cruises for the first time.  He may have skipped the whole crawling thing.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Chewing Gum

(Actual Conversation. Setting: living room)


Funny Neighbor Kid:  Hey Joe!

Joe:  (in the middle of changing a poopy diaper).  Hello, (Funny Neighbor Kid's name).

FNK:  So....Did you cut off the tip of baby Zach's penis when he was born?

Joe:  (Holding back shocked laughter)  Well, kind of, but not exactly.  It's called 'circumcision.'

FNK:  I heard that's where chewing gum comes from.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Ides of May

Some pictures from the last few months...
James at the air show.
Joe, with the chillun'

Will (throwin' up gang signs?), Elise, and Joe


Elise, with Poopsie.





Why so serious, Will?

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Latest Kid Quotes

"Ahh!  I can feel his little piranha teeth!" -Will, putting his finger in Zach's mouth

"Well, do you want me to do it, or not?" -James, when I lectured him about the "mo' money mo' problems" aspect of inventing a teleportation machine/ becoming the world's richest man

"They were making me do little tiny floaty things with my hands, and it, like, wasn't doing anything!" -Elise, on learning to scull in her first synchro practice

"Gog!" -Zach  ["He's religious!" -Aunt Linda]

--

Kid news:  James starts water polo tomorrow.  Will's playing flag football and scored two touchdowns during each of his last two games.  Elise started synchronized swimming today.  Zach got his first two teeth, 'round the cape of a sudden.

The school year is quickly wrapping up; it's already almost May.  The big boys did science fair (Elise decided hers was just a practice this year) and had a weeks-long argument over who first came up with the idea they both used.  James refused to document his results on his poster, citing embarrassment that only one marigold seedling survived the 6" of rain we randomly received in one day.  Will's poster was more complete, but decidedly less legible.  Note to selves: make kids type it next year.  Second note to selves: find out whether brothers in the same grade are allowed to collaborate on a project, the way real scientists do.  Then, they can fight over which of them gets first authorship, like real scientists do.  Hah.

I can't wait to start Zach's mommy & me class this Friday.

And now, for a random photo.

Daddy & Zachy.  Zach is in a rare moment of not smiling.



Thursday, April 17, 2014

Magic Joe

I just read that a sequel to Magic Mike is a go.  So, I've decided to take this opportunity to randomly and obnoxiously brag, brag, braggity brag about my husband, Joe B.

Spoilers:  He's hot.  He's a terrific dad.  And he's the most optimistic, positive person I've ever met.

Sexy Pose #001: Wearing the baby.

As I was obnoxiously bragging to some of my momfriends yesterday, when I met Joe he was an almost-21-year-old captain of the swim team and dual sport athlete (he also played club water polo).  I, then 18 and uncannily career-minded, thought he was simply hot and fun to kiss and hug.

I had no idea he was also smart, responsible, and sensitive, and that I would want to have infinity babies with him.

Why am I writing about this?  Because every once in awhile it's a good idea to count your blessings, and I am glad to call him my guy.

Channing Tatum, eat yer heart out.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Poppies

We drove to the fields west of Lancaster/Palmdale to see the California Golden Poppies.  It was late in the day, windy and cool, and the sun was going down, so the flowers were closed and not nearly as spectacular as they could have been.  It also wasn't as splendid a showing as in spring 2010, when the hills were ablaze with orange flowers.

Couldn't get a picture of all of us at once without taking the risk of trampling the flowers.  Joe and I had to take turns taking pictures of ourselves with the kids.

In order to make this mini-trip happen we had to bribe the kids with ice cream and getting to sleep in their pillow fort they'd made this weekend.

Still a pretty cool experience, though.  We'll try again soon, earlier in the day and when it's less windy.