Schumer's No-Longer-Secret Shame Inspires Me

 A Coupla Reasons Why Amy Schumer is my New Favorite Celebrity Mom

Image: Wikipedia

1.  Her kid has a great name.  First of all, Gene is an underused classic.  Secondly, she actually changed her son's middle name when she figured out he might get teased--her kid was originally known as Gene Attell (genital?) but she changed it to Gene David.  Some people would've dug in their heels by emphasizing the slightly-less-crotch-y pronunciation, but instead she admitted it was a little weird.  And she fixed it for the kid's sake but still figured out how to honor her friend with that middle.  Nailed it.

2.  She's real about her mental health.  Trichotillomania is a stigmatized thing, but we all have our freak flags folded up somewhere.  Amy let that sh*t fly, even though I don't know of any other celebrities who've admitted to yanking their own head hair out compulsively.  Full disclosure: I have been known to do this--both the blurting out of what used to be shameful secret for the whole damned world to know, AND the freaky hair-pulling thing.  It started when I was stressed to be driving one of my kids somewhere every day in a sh*tload of Bay Area traffic.  Now that I've allowed myself to notice what I'm doing, I'm trying to stop.  It's complex and weird, and I'm a little balder than I would be otherwise, but it happens to some of us.  If someone makes a G.I. Jane joke about me I'm hoping Joe doesn't react too poorly, though.

Yet Another List of Things My Children Are Never Allowed To Watch (And Why)

More Sh*t My Kids Are Never Allowed to Watch (and why).


In no particular order:

TV Shows

1. The Thundermans. Reason: Theme song is catchy AF and haunts me in my dreams

2. Family Guy. Reason: Every time someone cracks a masturbation joke, my oldest three kids laugh. Loudly. Then, my fourth or fifth child asks me to explain the joke, and what should easily be a teachable moment turns the joke not funny

Speaking of masturbation jokes...

3.  Women's water polo or swimming--Pretty much any aquatic sport that women are playing these days. Reason: Atomic wedgies turn all of these respectable female athletes into unwitting strippers.
You may be asking yourself what I expect my kids to do in the event that they are sitting behind the starting blocks as official meet timers. In that case, they should close their eyes and listen for the splash.

4. That Discovery Channel Dolphins DVD. Reason: Contains live footage of a dolphin gang bang mating strategy. Babysitter who first viewed it with them was unsure of what to say.

[An actual book cover I found during my internet quest to remember the name of that Discovery Channel Dolphins DVD.  Some things just aren't meant to be Googled, such as "dolphin sex".  Also, for the record--gay dolphin sex is fine; I draw the line at hurting others, crimes against humanity, or group sex, though.]