In Which I Pretend to be Martha Stewart Even Though I am Hella Not.
I started making this smoothie when there was suddenly a huge void in my life as a result of having to go gluten-free for medical reasons. In case you are wondering, a gluten-free existence blows my fat @sshole.
~2 cups frozen sweet cherries
One peeled banana (the greener the better)
~1/2 cup frozen strawberries
A tiny splash of milk
Throw into blender and blend in spurts, stopping to stir with a wooden spoon when the blender gets bogged down. This will take between 3-5 bouts of blending/grinding. It will be annoying and hard to blend because the idea is to make it as thick as the blender will tolerate--Wendy's Frosty-like consistency or thicker! Stick with it. If you add too much milk just so you can get it all to blend, don't worry--it's still good if you can drink it with a straw.
Serve with a spoon.
Take a selfie with it and post to Facebook (duh) with these suggested hashtags:
Stupid Breakfasts You'll Eat Every Day When You Can't Eat G-ddamn Bagels, Waffles, Toast, Cinnamon Rolls, Cereal, Croissants, Pancakes, or Anything Good Anymore
Presented without comment, other than a friendly reminder that gluten-free life sucks.
Sliced apples with smears of peanut butter on their sides--don't forget the baby wipes as you eat these out of a plastic bowl while storming through the carpool lane.
Eggs, but who has time for that sh*t during the week?
Bananas or raisins in that stupid oatmeal that's healthy or something. Bob's Red Mill. That's the one.
Pair any of these breakfasts with a stainless tumbler of green tea (iced down, because you're trying to hang onto the same joyous sensory experience of McDonald's fountain coke, which you're quitting for good this time).
A recipe for an absurdly good (even though it’s vegan) chocolate cake with frosting made from an avocado--yeah, really--by Sandy Saso Holmes.
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